I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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