I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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