Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
