There was a lot of him and a little penis
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
