I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
