Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
