I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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