so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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