You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
