I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
