just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
