Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
