I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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