I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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