The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
