I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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