i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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