Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
