Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
