Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
