Porn is love you can see.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
