Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
