I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
