I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
ttyl tear gas
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
