And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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