Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
