After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
