did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
