The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
