Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
