I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
