just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
