That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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