The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
