You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
