did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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