one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
