I hate your face
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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