WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
