Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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