As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
