Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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