I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
