He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
