you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
