Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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