I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
