I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
