I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
