this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
