I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
