piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
