If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
