I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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