so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
