you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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